Psychologist David Younger Shares His Story and Tips
For people with hidden disabilities, the question of whether to share their diagnosis with friends, professors, and colleagues is a daily mental toll. On one hand, alleviating the mental stress of constantly keeping a secret has the potential to bring peace and a new level of understanding and help. On the other hand, “exposing” themselves requires a level of vulnerability that can be terrifying to conquer.
Psychologist David Younger is all too familiar with the tradeoffs of sharing a diagnosis. At four years old, he was diagnosed with FacioScapuloHumeral Muscular Dystrophy (FSHD), a progressive and degenerative disease. At just over forty years old, his symptoms are beginning to make daily activities like walking difficult without assistance. Symptoms for those diagnosed with FSHD can vary, but for Younger, symptoms have manifested in difficulty moving for long periods of time and chronic joint pain.
While he is a part time wheelchair user now, he wasn’t for most his life. During his talk with us in our podcast, Younger recalled the burden of hiding his diagnosis from his close friends in college when he could pass as able-bodied.
He reminisced on the constant mental toll of positioning himself in a way in which he would not be asked to help move chairs or tables. Every time he walked into an event, classroom, or party, his mind was focused on passing as able-bodied and avoiding shameful situations that might expose his FSHD.
In Younger’s senior year of college, something snapped. He no longer wanted to carry the burden of his diagnosis alone, not when he could have the support of his close friends. Likening the experience to that of someone coming out of the closet, Younger remembered both the vulnerability and relief that came with sharing his biggest secret.
Shame is a fickle thing for people with disabilities. For many, it comes while trying to hide a part of their identity in order to be considered able-bodied. For others, shame comes when trying to find friends or significant others. It’s an emotion that is not often talked about in the disability community, making the disability-specific outreach Younger does as a psychologist all the more important.
What is a way to begin to lessen feelings of shame?
Never be Afraid to Have Hard Conversations
For Younger, shame once again became a part of his life as he transitioned to becoming a wheelchair user in his late thirties. Talking to us, he opened up about feeling like he had lost a part of sexuality. Instead of being thought of a handsome man walking down the streets of New York City or Austin, Texas, he was instead an oddity of a young man who was in a wheelchair.
The transition to a wheelchair also affected his teenage son, who didn’t want to be known as the person with a dad in a wheelchair at school events and on trips.
How are Younger and his family attempting to overcome this swirl of feelings? Younger pointed to the importance of having hard and vulnerable conversations instead of bottling up emotions. He is constantly reaching out for support from close friends and his spouse. He and his son have very open communication, an important tool as his son continues to get older.
Younger admitted that he has yet to conquer new feelings of shame and sadness about losing a critical part of his identity. He recognized that he still has work to do on his own feelings before becoming a role model for his son
However, he pressed the importance of communication and vulnerability as stepping stones to overcoming negative emotions. Some conversations are hard to have -- they’re even hard to think about independently. But the conversations are necessary to move forward and establish peace within oneself.
Want to hear David Younger speak in his own words? Check out the Traipsin’ Global on Wheels Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEH8GHwCeVU
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